On happiness, fun and freedom

Being an adult is hard. We have so many responsibilities and take things so seriously. We may have had many years of hardship, worries, stress and we may carry years of behaving , feeling and thinking in particular ways that are difficult to notice or even change. Additionally, many of us have dealt with disappointments, trauma, discrimination, heartbreaks, grief, and the shattering of our own perceptions of who we are and what the world is like. We may deal with these difficult realities in many ways in order to cope, but usually our ability to feel happy or carefree is impeded. 

What is the importance of freedom, happiness and fun when life can be so tough?

The answer is that life and adulthood is more enjoyable if we can find ways to balance some of the heaviness with lightness and joy. We need to be able to see the beautiful things that make us smile and remember that it’s not all serious, that there is love and color and ease sometimes.  That we have gifts and blessings and we must open our eyes and minds to these things even when we are dealing with the more serious and difficult parts of life.  

How can we have fun and feel free when there is so much we are carrying?

1.     Spend some time journaling – I would suggest a simple list of what feels heavy and serious in your life, what’s weighing you down and what you may need to lighten these loads if you can. Then write a list of what you would enjoy or do if these things weren’t a factor. What brings you happiness and joy? Make a list so long (at least 50 things – big and small so that you realize that there are many things that you do love). I’ll give examples because as adults our lists can look very serious too e.g. “self-improvement tasks” or things you think you SHOULD be doing. Instead, your list must include stuff that you honestly love and don’t feel is a chore e.g. laying in the sun reading a silly book, hanging out with a friend, playing games, getting a massage, hearing the birds as you take a walk, spending time with someone who makes you laugh, seeing new places, smelling a candle you love. They can be big or small things. If you have a difficult time, think of what you loved as a kid and the adventures you may have had. Are you having adventures as an adult? What are they?

2.     Find a way to do these things daily, weekly and spend time planning and putting them on your calendar. Creating some art work, writing down some reminders that you put up in visible places in your home that remind you that happiness is as important a task of life as anything. It’s also important that you have some spontaneity and newness because routine is common for all of us humans, but surprises, new stimuli and new experiences keep us fresh and excited and usually spark joy. 

3.     Most of all spend some time assessing the way you think about the situations in your life, finding a way to choose a thought and behavior process that helps you move forward with the challenges that you face without allowing them to take all of the positive things away. It’s helpful to have trusted others to talk with, who can give you feedback, support, perspective and kindness. We are social beings and we sometimes forget that we need a few others to help us alleviate our struggles and to help us enjoy lighter, more carefree states, no matter what is happening in our worlds.

4.     Always come back to, if this was your last day alive, would you be content with what you are doing, what you’ve done, or are there things you’d regret. If you’d have regrets how can you figure out how to make those things happen now or start putting them in place. 

5.     Start with one step now!

Dr. Cory Nyamora is a licensed psychologist, an endurance sports coach with certifications from USAT. He is the founder of Endurance – A Sports & Psychology Center, Inc. He provides endurance coaching for beginner and experienced athletes, as well as psychological services to children, adults, and families. He provides trainings for organizations on topics related to the intersections of sports and mental health and overall wellness.

Watching kitesurfers while on sabbatical.